so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
