can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
