Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
