I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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