Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
