My room smells like vodka and shame
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
how drunk are you?
Several
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