His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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