I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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