found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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