I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
