We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
