I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
