Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
