I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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