i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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