it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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