Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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