Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
PANTIES FOUND
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
