Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize