I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
