your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
