Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
