Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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