Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
