the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
