She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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