My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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