Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Two words: blizzard sex
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
