They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
