She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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