You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
handjob tips. give me some.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
