Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
