Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
