Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This is not my ceiling
I'm drive I can fine osifer
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
