Betty ford says i'm here all night
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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