Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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