I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
