ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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