Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
