I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize