i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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