Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
