Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Found the puke drawer
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
