I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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