Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize