I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
