I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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