I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize