trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
