i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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