I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
