he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize