I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
