she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize