standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
