You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
