"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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