My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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