I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
