I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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