Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
