ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
