I could make wine with my vomit
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
