Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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