My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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