im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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