Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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