I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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