Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize