Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
